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| ❝ | DUPLICITY CITATION No. 18495 Violation: Conduct Unbefitting a Submissive Fine: 1 week Realignment Payments must be received within 30 calendar days, or debts will be handed over to the Remittance Facility. | ❞ |
I have time to talk now. First of all, you have to understand I will do many things with many people in this city for many reasons that don't involve you and shouldn't.
Mr. Day is not my submissive. Nor do I wish for him to be.
Secondly, if you do have questions for me, ask them privately. If you don't know how to make a post private on the network, I can show you. If you show yourself as connected to me, what you want of Javert will never happen. He'll be instantly suspicious.
Thirdly, I'm not interested in whoring you out. If you want people to learn to respect you, that's something you need to take off the table as an option. You don't need to do such things to gain my attention. You have my attention, and we both have a goal, do we not?
Mr. Day is not my submissive. Nor do I wish for him to be.
Secondly, if you do have questions for me, ask them privately. If you don't know how to make a post private on the network, I can show you. If you show yourself as connected to me, what you want of Javert will never happen. He'll be instantly suspicious.
Thirdly, I'm not interested in whoring you out. If you want people to learn to respect you, that's something you need to take off the table as an option. You don't need to do such things to gain my attention. You have my attention, and we both have a goal, do we not?
I’m sorry Sir.
[She feels so utterly ashamed.]
I just thought… and you know, I hated being a whore for my Pa. But now here, no one looks at me. I miss being fucked by a fat old letch. I miss Parnasse making me lift my skirt in an alley. I miss it. Sir, I need pain. Not being ignored. The good pain where my hair is pulled and my skin cut and bitten and I am smacked and - and he makes me squirm with nasty words. Sir, it’s bad and wrong but I miss it. Here, they are too polite to help me. They are too polite to even look at me. I am desperate for it.
[She feels so utterly ashamed.]
I just thought… and you know, I hated being a whore for my Pa. But now here, no one looks at me. I miss being fucked by a fat old letch. I miss Parnasse making me lift my skirt in an alley. I miss it. Sir, I need pain. Not being ignored. The good pain where my hair is pulled and my skin cut and bitten and I am smacked and - and he makes me squirm with nasty words. Sir, it’s bad and wrong but I miss it. Here, they are too polite to help me. They are too polite to even look at me. I am desperate for it.
People are more open about their desires here. I sometimes see people looking for specific experiences on the network. It's not wrong to ask. Or to ask the people who are too gentle with you to be rougher.
[How is it that he finds himself in the position of considering these things at all? His own damnable sense of honor, such as it is, means he can't just tell her to figure it all out for herself.]
But I also think...well, no. Let me ask you instead. Why do you think you miss that? What is it about it?
[How is it that he finds himself in the position of considering these things at all? His own damnable sense of honor, such as it is, means he can't just tell her to figure it all out for herself.]
But I also think...well, no. Let me ask you instead. Why do you think you miss that? What is it about it?
Sir, no one wants me at all. I sucked Roman's cock for him, and no thanks did I get. I was nice to Jon and he thinks I'm ugly. Men, I am told off for and now they have me in such a collar I can't get off and I end up on my knees to every dominant I see. I cannot ask on a network - imagine! What should I say? Will someone fuck me and pull my hair or have a knife on me?
[Eponine breathes in sharply before even thinking about Greyson's question]
I knew he wanted me that bad. He had to have me there, not at home in bed. He had to have it because he loved me. He slapped my face and called me names and he didn't have eyes for no one else. And after, if I had been good and there were time, he'd hold me a moment. He's humiliate me sometimes and he'd hurt me, but I were the only woman he looked at. Me, I wanted nicer, fluffy pillows and just opening my legs for a cock but that is for ladies, not me. He has made me wet when I am in pain or embarrassed. You see?
[Eponine breathes in sharply before even thinking about Greyson's question]
I knew he wanted me that bad. He had to have me there, not at home in bed. He had to have it because he loved me. He slapped my face and called me names and he didn't have eyes for no one else. And after, if I had been good and there were time, he'd hold me a moment. He's humiliate me sometimes and he'd hurt me, but I were the only woman he looked at. Me, I wanted nicer, fluffy pillows and just opening my legs for a cock but that is for ladies, not me. He has made me wet when I am in pain or embarrassed. You see?
You are scraping the barrel, Little Bird, especially with Jon Sims. That man isn't worth the nail on your little finger.
[He does see, and it's not something with an easy answer.]
He made it so that you associate pain with love. Will see love where there is pain. And it's so rarely so. What you crave is belonging. This is one reason I want to work with you on that self-control. When you have it, you'll have a firmer direction for that wanting. You won't need it from someone else. You'll be able to choose, and others will be drawn to your confidence instead of frightened or repelled by desperate grasping.
[He does see, and it's not something with an easy answer.]
He made it so that you associate pain with love. Will see love where there is pain. And it's so rarely so. What you crave is belonging. This is one reason I want to work with you on that self-control. When you have it, you'll have a firmer direction for that wanting. You won't need it from someone else. You'll be able to choose, and others will be drawn to your confidence instead of frightened or repelled by desperate grasping.
Who is Jon Sims?
This is Jon -the-bastard. What is his name? Winter or cold or so
SNOW. Jon Snow. He is lovely.
[Eponine frowns.]
Which is all well, but do you never have such an itch that you just need it? You need a cock inside - or I suppose a woman over yours? You need to lose yourself and scream as you cum? Even in pain, I lose myself. I forget the world and my worries and it is just that. There is such an ache sometimes that I could scream in frustration.
This is Jon -the-bastard. What is his name? Winter or cold or so
SNOW. Jon Snow. He is lovely.
[Eponine frowns.]
Which is all well, but do you never have such an itch that you just need it? You need a cock inside - or I suppose a woman over yours? You need to lose yourself and scream as you cum? Even in pain, I lose myself. I forget the world and my worries and it is just that. There is such an ache sometimes that I could scream in frustration.
Ah. That one I don't know.
[In a way he's relieved. He has less inclination to tear into strangers over something like this than someone he already loathes.]
I understand hunger. I also understand that there are ways of filling it that hurt you more than they help. Leave you feeling emptier than when you started, and that's a sign you're not feeding the right appetite. It's a temporary sating that feels worse in the end.
[In a way he's relieved. He has less inclination to tear into strangers over something like this than someone he already loathes.]
I understand hunger. I also understand that there are ways of filling it that hurt you more than they help. Leave you feeling emptier than when you started, and that's a sign you're not feeding the right appetite. It's a temporary sating that feels worse in the end.
Then you’re wrong. Me? After, I don’t feel empty. I feel alive. My heart beats so hard I know I am alive and sometimes, I used to wonder if I had died in my sleep and not noticed, and was a ghost for how I was ignored. Every bone aches. There are bruises and maybe blood, but - but it’s okay. I’m lucky. See how much time he spent with me to give them? See how he gave me a bed? And food? And the name calling. He’d say slut and whore and vile names, cunt and cock sucker and whatever else. But he could have had any slut, any whore. There were so many girls, but he chose me. He wanted me. I was his special girl. He were like a husband and love? No. I didn’t love him, but… love is for nice people, not me. Soft love and soft beds aren’t for me. They’re for nice people. Me, I must feel alive and that is enough. I want the shouts and the arguments. I want the extra slap to my face or my ass for arguing. I want my hands behind my back whilst I suck his cock. I want a knife to my throat whilst I’m fucked. I want tears. I want to feel it. Is that so bad?
It's never bad to want to feel alive. Being numb is something I intimately understand.
Just consider that this is what you crave because it's all you had at the time, and you believed everything else you mentioned was out of reach. Not for you. Having never experienced it, how can you know?
If it turns out you still want the more visceral and violent after having softer things, that won't be bad, either, but it will be a decision made with more knowledge.
How are things going with Kosem?
Just consider that this is what you crave because it's all you had at the time, and you believed everything else you mentioned was out of reach. Not for you. Having never experienced it, how can you know?
If it turns out you still want the more visceral and violent after having softer things, that won't be bad, either, but it will be a decision made with more knowledge.
How are things going with Kosem?
It is out of reach. I shan’t have my heart hurt again. I will take that lot in life. I am not a woman to love. There’s nothing nice about me, so sex and that is pain too. It’s how it is and I have come to need it. It is better than being forgotten about.
[Eponine shrugs and smiles]
She’s in my fingers. She feels for me and wants me as a daughter. Why? I don’t know but she wants me. She’ll give me what I want I think, and run round for me. She’s kind. It’s strange. I don’t understand her. She never threatens. I don’t get it.
[Eponine shrugs and smiles]
She’s in my fingers. She feels for me and wants me as a daughter. Why? I don’t know but she wants me. She’ll give me what I want I think, and run round for me. She’s kind. It’s strange. I don’t understand her. She never threatens. I don’t get it.
Avoiding hurt leads to hurt. It's one of the more ridiculous aspects of life, but there it is.
[He's relieved to hear it's going better than he expected.]
What if that kindness is real? Can you accept it? What if it turns out she is as fierce in her love for you as others have been in their cruelty?
[He's relieved to hear it's going better than he expected.]
What if that kindness is real? Can you accept it? What if it turns out she is as fierce in her love for you as others have been in their cruelty?
Why would she be? She don’t know me. She doesn’t love me.
[Eponine tilts her head.]
You know? If her son was here, she’d choose him, the dead one or the one that hanged him. She wouldn’t even remember me then. If my Pa was here, he would choose anyone over me. You have chosen so many over me. She don’t love me. She needs me to fill a hole.
[Eponine tilts her head.]
You know? If her son was here, she’d choose him, the dead one or the one that hanged him. She wouldn’t even remember me then. If my Pa was here, he would choose anyone over me. You have chosen so many over me. She don’t love me. She needs me to fill a hole.
Do you think people can only love one person at a time? That associations don't sometimes strengthen emotions rather than weaken them?
[Again the irony of his being the one to have this conversation strikes him. Such is her misfortune and his inability to stay away from people who remind him of aspects of himself.]
I haven't contracted you because right now we're a bad fit. You understand why. You're wrong in saying I haven't chosen you. I haven't agreed to do what you want of me. I have agreed to help you in ways I never would most.
You think it's a game for me? A momentary distraction? I promised you something. I don't promise what I won't deliver. I also know that if I did give you what you want of me right now, it would undermine every step of progress we could make on your self-control. I'd just be one more abuser in a line of them keeping you exactly where you are.
[Again the irony of his being the one to have this conversation strikes him. Such is her misfortune and his inability to stay away from people who remind him of aspects of himself.]
I haven't contracted you because right now we're a bad fit. You understand why. You're wrong in saying I haven't chosen you. I haven't agreed to do what you want of me. I have agreed to help you in ways I never would most.
You think it's a game for me? A momentary distraction? I promised you something. I don't promise what I won't deliver. I also know that if I did give you what you want of me right now, it would undermine every step of progress we could make on your self-control. I'd just be one more abuser in a line of them keeping you exactly where you are.
Yes. People love one other. It is how it is. The prince loves Cinderella. The other one loves the girl as a swan. Perhaps a mother can love all of her children. I don't know. My mother only loved me. She sold my brothers and threw Gavroche out and Azelma is too stupid to truly love.
[She sighs.] I know. I understand in my head, Sir. But my heart? She aches. This - all this with Kosem, she is lovely. But too lovely. I want when you took me on the roof and held me off the side. I was so ready to fall for you. I want you to be so. Is it abuse if I ask for it? Abuse would be as my Pa. Beating my ass for not bringing you coin. That was exciting. Thrilling. I long for it. I am bored here. I want to play. I just don't understand why you think I could be better. To wield power, there has to be beauty and mystery and seduction. Me, I am none of that.
[She sighs.] I know. I understand in my head, Sir. But my heart? She aches. This - all this with Kosem, she is lovely. But too lovely. I want when you took me on the roof and held me off the side. I was so ready to fall for you. I want you to be so. Is it abuse if I ask for it? Abuse would be as my Pa. Beating my ass for not bringing you coin. That was exciting. Thrilling. I long for it. I am bored here. I want to play. I just don't understand why you think I could be better. To wield power, there has to be beauty and mystery and seduction. Me, I am none of that.
A good mother does love all of her children.
[There's the faintest echo of an echo of emotion in that. He doesn't remember his mother or his father. He has a notion he was never loved. How true it is, he can't say.]
Yes, it can still be abuse even if you ask for it. Abuse isn't limited to something unwanted.
Consider this. You say you have none of these things. You attracted and held my attention nonetheless. I alone wouldn't seek to change you. You told me what you wanted, and I believe you have what it takes to achieve it. You don't believe that yet. We've only just started.
Many of the harder things to cultivate aren't exciting. The excitement comes once you're able to use them to the ends you desire.
Perhaps we should all have an outing. You and Kosem decide what you'd want to do, and we can do it. Make an evening of it. As fancy as you like.
[There's the faintest echo of an echo of emotion in that. He doesn't remember his mother or his father. He has a notion he was never loved. How true it is, he can't say.]
Yes, it can still be abuse even if you ask for it. Abuse isn't limited to something unwanted.
Consider this. You say you have none of these things. You attracted and held my attention nonetheless. I alone wouldn't seek to change you. You told me what you wanted, and I believe you have what it takes to achieve it. You don't believe that yet. We've only just started.
Many of the harder things to cultivate aren't exciting. The excitement comes once you're able to use them to the ends you desire.
Perhaps we should all have an outing. You and Kosem decide what you'd want to do, and we can do it. Make an evening of it. As fancy as you like.
[She scowls.] What? My mama and my teacher take me to the opera? I don't understand why you want me with Kosem. She is not dark like us. We could have fun without her, like in that place? The party with the masks?
I hate being learned. I want to just know it and be able in it.
I hate being learned. I want to just know it and be able in it.
It doesn't have to be the opera. That's why I suggested deciding together. You're right. She is not dark like us. It's going to take more than darkness to get you where you want to be. I alone would be the worst teacher for the side of it that needs a woman's touch.
If you want to learn how to portray yourself as more refined, she's a better model than I. I know you're frustrated. You want what you want yesterday. Try this outing.
I'll try to think of something suitable for the two of us later that doesn't involve threatening you but that is more exciting than the theatre.
If you want to learn how to portray yourself as more refined, she's a better model than I. I know you're frustrated. You want what you want yesterday. Try this outing.
I'll try to think of something suitable for the two of us later that doesn't involve threatening you but that is more exciting than the theatre.
No. I don't want you addicted. Not to mention you'd be no good company to either of us blissed out.
This is what people do, Eponine. We're not making a future for you with no input or effort from you. I would remind you that you asked me to help you. That's what this is. All part of it. Socializing together. Enjoying one another's company, or trying to. You want to know how to make others want you. How can you if you don't know the game?
This is what people do, Eponine. We're not making a future for you with no input or effort from you. I would remind you that you asked me to help you. That's what this is. All part of it. Socializing together. Enjoying one another's company, or trying to. You want to know how to make others want you. How can you if you don't know the game?
Because you'll ignore me to talk to one another. That's what always happens. I am forgotten about.
At least if I am medicated, Sir, then I won't be cross with you both for ignoring me. She'll try to make you forget all about me, I know it.
[She doesn't. She's just jealous.]
At least if I am medicated, Sir, then I won't be cross with you both for ignoring me. She'll try to make you forget all about me, I know it.
[She doesn't. She's just jealous.]
Do you understand what a self-fulfilling prophecy is? If you sulk and behave like a child, then yes, I will be sure to treat you like one. If you tantrum and make no effort to control yourself, why would anyone want to talk to you in that moment?
If however, you turn that intelligence to making pleasant conversation and react to what is happening in the moment rather than what you've imagined will happen, not only will you enjoy yourself, but we'll enjoy you, too. If both of us are seeking to help you, does it make sense to think we'd then ignore you? To what end, Eponine? If you want anyone to have faith in you, you're going to have to extend it both ways.
I know it's hard. And if we make a fool of you or treat you poorly when you're not behaving poorly, then you get to say 'I told you so.' But if we don't? What if you choose something that you think would interest you and we all have a good time? You're very good at imagining the worst. Imagine the best. See what comes of it.
If however, you turn that intelligence to making pleasant conversation and react to what is happening in the moment rather than what you've imagined will happen, not only will you enjoy yourself, but we'll enjoy you, too. If both of us are seeking to help you, does it make sense to think we'd then ignore you? To what end, Eponine? If you want anyone to have faith in you, you're going to have to extend it both ways.
I know it's hard. And if we make a fool of you or treat you poorly when you're not behaving poorly, then you get to say 'I told you so.' But if we don't? What if you choose something that you think would interest you and we all have a good time? You're very good at imagining the worst. Imagine the best. See what comes of it.
I suppose I worry. I’ve seen it happen before. People are well to talk to me until there is someone prettier to think of, and Kosem is very pretty and clever and educated.
But I will try to be lovely. You know I’ll do anything for you. I’ll be a good girl. I’ll choose a delight for us, and perhaps a picnic in the park to follow?
But I will try to be lovely. You know I’ll do anything for you. I’ll be a good girl. I’ll choose a delight for us, and perhaps a picnic in the park to follow?
This isn't a contest. Kosem is pretty, clever, and educated, and that makes her a good choice for you, to help teach you aspects of the social dance she'll know far better than I. Cosmetics. How to wear your hair. How to dress in a way that flatters you and sends the message that you're worthy of respect. How to put a best face forward even when you're not necessarily feeling it.
Do it for you, Little Bird. A nighttime dinner in the park after our evening entertainment, whatever it turns out to be. If you have a good time, and all of us enjoy our evening, then I'll be happy, too. How could I not be?
Do it for you, Little Bird. A nighttime dinner in the park after our evening entertainment, whatever it turns out to be. If you have a good time, and all of us enjoy our evening, then I'll be happy, too. How could I not be?
[She's not pleased and while her face isn't raised to the camera, there's a darkness on her features.]
Do you have something to tell me? Something that happened on the streets?
Do you have something to tell me? Something that happened on the streets?
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