Well Madame, I am not back in jail so I suppose we are. It is not as if you know either, you know? Why is it to me that I must do everything and know everything? I would have liked to have slept through it all too you know?
[She has little patience for this and at this very minute, she's wondering if she should bother? The continual harsh responses, rejection of kindness and attempts at care.]
It's not your fault, Madame, but it ain't mine neither. And you have slept through everything, safe and sound and me? Me, I am put in prison again for nowt. So many of us, Ma'am, and I have been asleep under a bench with nowhere else to go again and still you sleep. And now you wake, not even a hello? Not even a 'are you well?" It is just 'am I still stuck with you, Eponine? A dead weight around your neck am I still? Well, I am sorry, Ma'am, that I ain't been reading my letters and I am sorry I don't know the month we are in. It ain't so important to me. I am sorry.
Eponine, you jump to conclusions and assume I was asking because I don't care. You don't stop to think why I would even ask if I didn't want you. It would be easier for me to not worry about it at all and let it lapse.
Maybe I'm asking because I'm worried and am trying to look after you?
Why don't you just say it then? You know in my head I fill in gaps. You tell me over and over, and everyone does say it. If you know I do it, then why are you shocked when it is done?
Kosem, you sleep and it is like being back in Paris. I can't be back in Paris. I don't want it to be so here. It's been horrible here and I have been all alone again. You can't look after me asleep.
I wasn't not telling you to be a bitch you know? I don't know the day, truly. Kosem, whilst you sleep, it has been bad, so very bad. Too bad to think of a day, you know? They arrest us - and for nothing. Truly, truly I did not a thing this time. And they blast water in my face and my body so I am left bruised and shivering. I have it before, and you know, I survive so I am not scared, but it isn't nice. And then when we are let out, I cannot go home and you are asleep and Daphne is and all the rest hate me so much that I sleep under a bench, for there is nowhere to go. And even then, the police are cross because I can't go home. Do you see? I cannot worry about a contract and a day because I fear you dead or home or had enough of me and there is prison, always prison and it is coming for me. It's coming and I know it and I all I can hear is a clank of the door and chains on my wrists.
I understand, Eponine. I didn't know that happened and I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you as I should have been.
I would like you to move into my home. If I sleep again, you have somewhere warm and safe to stay. I trust you to look after me as well, should that happened.
I'll look into the contract. Do you want to renew with me, if it is expired?
[Eponine hesitates. It's not that she doesn't want Kosem. It's that Eponine knows she's done a very wicked thing and that she has several million francs worth of diamonds hidden in a dirty stocking in an old box under the pillow on her bed that really belong to Daphne Bridgerton. She doesn't want Kosem caught up in that mess.]
What's the very worst thing your son did? The bad one? Him what I remind you of? What did he do the baddest?
[And that's who Kosem thinks she's like? Eponine's a lot of things - a lot of bad things - and she's the first person to call her sister names. But Eponine loves Azelma and Gavroche, and indeed she'd loved and misses the twins her mother had sold. She can't imagine ordering the execution of any of her siblings. Indeed, she'd give her life for any of them. She swallows. Her voice is hard as she fights not to show emotion - the echo of Kosem's pain or her own hurt that she could be as wicked as that.]
Do you still love him? Osman? Will you love him even as he holds up Mehmed's head from the block?
[It's not the actions that makes her think of Osman. It's the pain he suffers. It's mirrored in Eponine. It's the poor choices and her determination not to listen. The hurt Kosem feels when she can't help Eponine.
Osman was a good man deep down. Others forced him on a path he would walk alone.]
He's suffering and surrounded by those that don't care for him. I hate what he's done. It's hurt me in a way that I can't put to words. He's still the child I raised though, still the same child I feed my milk, as I did my own children.
It's impossible for a mother to stop loving her child, no matter what he's done.
[Eponine purses her lips. Is it strange to be jealous of a murderous man who isn't even here? He has Kosem's unwavering support and love and yet, he chooses not to listen to her. If Eponine had had a mother like Kosem, maybe she wouldn't be the mess she is today.
Except she does have Kosem now and she has still done wrong.]
What about me? We're not blood. You don't have to love me, or even like me. If I've done wrong... if I did something so bad...
[She sighs]
End our contract, Kosem. Please. I will only drag you into my mess and we will both be in trouble. You don't have to be loyal to me like your bad son. I am just a gamine you have had the misfortune to cross. End it for your sake.
I do care for you, Eponine. If you let me, I could give you the same love. You can't keep pushing me away. If you at least trust me, it let me truly help you and show you what it means to have a mother.
[It's concerning that she's being told to break the contract. Something happened. It would be exhausting, but there was a chance that she might be able to help.]
What have you done? If you tell me, we can go from there and try to repair the situation.
[She's not sure if she wants to break the contract, but it's impossible to change Eponine's mind when she's made a decision.]
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no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 03:02 pm (UTC)You have no idea if we're still contracted or not?
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Date: 2022-10-31 03:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 03:15 pm (UTC)[She has little patience for this and at this very minute, she's wondering if she should bother? The continual harsh responses, rejection of kindness and attempts at care.]
I'll check with records then.
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Date: 2022-10-31 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 03:37 pm (UTC)Maybe I'm asking because I'm worried and am trying to look after you?
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Date: 2022-10-31 03:40 pm (UTC)Kosem, you sleep and it is like being back in Paris. I can't be back in Paris. I don't want it to be so here. It's been horrible here and I have been all alone again. You can't look after me asleep.
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Date: 2022-10-31 03:48 pm (UTC)No, but there is still some safety if you're contracted or not. I can't change what happened while I slept but I'm trying to fix it now.
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Date: 2022-10-31 03:59 pm (UTC)[She shrugs]
Do you even know what happened? I don't think I understand it, truly?
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Date: 2022-10-31 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 05:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-31 05:14 pm (UTC)Really and truly?
But... but no one never chooses me first.
[She's hearing what she wants to hear but she definitely can't believe she's hearing it.]
I know you tell me before but... but do you understand me?
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Date: 2022-11-02 09:19 pm (UTC)[She understands a bit, but it's a little difficult, given the hostilities she often faces.]
I do understand you, better than you might think.
This is why I'm concerned about our contract. I don't want it to expire and you be left alone.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:29 pm (UTC)I would like you to move into my home. If I sleep again, you have somewhere warm and safe to stay. I trust you to look after me as well, should that happened.
I'll look into the contract. Do you want to renew with me, if it is expired?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:33 pm (UTC)What's the very worst thing your son did? The bad one? Him what I remind you of? What did he do the baddest?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:36 pm (UTC)Osman ordered the execution of his brother, my first born, Mehmed.
[She touched her heart, not feeling completely whole any longer.]
He listened to those that poisoned him against me, so he brought back the custom of fratricide. Now my youngest sons are imprisoned and alone.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:40 pm (UTC)She swallows. Her voice is hard as she fights not to show emotion - the echo of Kosem's pain or her own hurt that she could be as wicked as that.]
Do you still love him? Osman? Will you love him even as he holds up Mehmed's head from the block?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:44 pm (UTC)[It's not the actions that makes her think of Osman. It's the pain he suffers. It's mirrored in Eponine. It's the poor choices and her determination not to listen. The hurt Kosem feels when she can't help Eponine.
Osman was a good man deep down. Others forced him on a path he would walk alone.]
He's suffering and surrounded by those that don't care for him. I hate what he's done. It's hurt me in a way that I can't put to words. He's still the child I raised though, still the same child I feed my milk, as I did my own children.
It's impossible for a mother to stop loving her child, no matter what he's done.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 09:57 pm (UTC)[Eponine purses her lips. Is it strange to be jealous of a murderous man who isn't even here? He has Kosem's unwavering support and love and yet, he chooses not to listen to her. If Eponine had had a mother like Kosem, maybe she wouldn't be the mess she is today.
Except she does have Kosem now and she has still done wrong.]
What about me? We're not blood. You don't have to love me, or even like me. If I've done wrong... if I did something so bad...
[She sighs]
End our contract, Kosem. Please. I will only drag you into my mess and we will both be in trouble. You don't have to be loyal to me like your bad son. I am just a gamine you have had the misfortune to cross. End it for your sake.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 10:04 pm (UTC)[It's concerning that she's being told to break the contract. Something happened. It would be exhausting, but there was a chance that she might be able to help.]
What have you done? If you tell me, we can go from there and try to repair the situation.
[She's not sure if she wants to break the contract, but it's impossible to change Eponine's mind when she's made a decision.]
Let's talk first about this and then decide.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 10:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 10:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 10:16 pm (UTC)[Eponine takes a breath.]
I took something. Well... some somethings. From someone. Not you. But... someone. And I... well... I let myself into their room? To do it?
no subject
Date: 2022-11-02 10:40 pm (UTC)Has the person reported the item missing?
[That's the large question and the most worrying. If it's reported, there's little Kosem can do.]
Are you willing to fix this?
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